The one that got away

Letting it go now :)

of choices and chances

Amazing stuff i stumble upon:

When we meet the right person to love, when we're at the right place at the right time, that's chance.

When you meet someone you're attracted to, that's not a choice. That's chance.

Being caught up in a moment (and there's a lot of couples who get together because of this) is not a choice. That's also a chance.

The difference is what happens afterwards.

When will you take that infatuation, that crush, that mind-blowing attraction to the next level?

That's when all sanity goes back, you sit down and contemplate whether you want to make this into a concrete relationship or just a fling.

If you decide to love a person, even with his faults, that's not a chance. That's choice.

When you choose to be with a person, no matter what, that's choice.

Even if you know there are many people out there who are more attractive, smarter, and richer than your mate, and yet, you decide to love your mate just the same, that's choice.

Infatuation, crushes, attraction comes to us by chance.

But true love that lasts is truly a choice. A choice that we make.

Regarding soul mates, there's a beautiful movie quote that I believe is so true about this: Fate brings you together, but it's still up to you to make it happen.
I do believe that soul mates do exist.

That there is truly someone made for you.

But it's still up to you to make the choice if you're going to do something about it or not.

We may meet our soul mates by chance, but loving and staying with our soul mate is still a choice we have to make.

We came to the world not by finding someone perfect to love...BUT to learn how to love an imperfect person perfectly..

Being strong

Maybe is the lack of sleep,

Maybe is the constant emotional struggle,

Maybe i'm really tired of everything,

Tonight, i no longer put up a smile.

I love you

I love you,
Not only for what you are,
But for what I am
When I am with you.
I love you,
Not only for what
You have made of yourself,
But for what
You are making of me.
I love you
For the part of me
That you bring out;
I love you
For putting your hand
Into my heaped-up heart
And passing over
All the foolish, weak things
That you can’t help
Dimly seeing there,
And for drawing out
Into the light
All the beautiful belongings
That no one else had looked
Quite far enough to find.
I love you because you
Are helping me to make
Of the lumber of my life
Not a tavern
But a temple;
Out of the works
Of my every day
Not a reproach
But a song.
I love you
Because you have done
More than any creed
Could have done
To make me good
And more than any fate
Could have done
To make me happy.
You have done it
Without a touch,
Without a word,
Without a sign.
You have done it
By being yourself.
Perhaps that is what
Being a friend means,
After all.” - Roy Croft

me, Me, ME!!!

Don't i know you?
Yes you do. That's you when you were five. Fearless, limitless, pure love, innocent, infinitely wise and of boundless potential and beautifully connected with the unseen hand that created the universe.
Buckle up! We going for a crazy ride. You gonna know who you are again.

Here i come Final Year!

Let the happiness seep in

Hannah said to Rafe

"Secret to happiness is merely to stop trying. You can't go looking for happiness as if it were a shoe u lost under the bed. You already have it. You just have to let yourself be"

I have to stop worrying myself and just let it seep in.

When life pushes you

Lately, i've been listening to real life stories on how life can really pushes you to dead end till nothing matters anymore. The latest fashion in town, the megasales, the juicy gossips of celebrities, your decision on what kind of hairstyle to change, some party celebration, your daily rumbles, youtube videos and the list goes on seems so insignificant. That are exactly some of the stuff i see on my facebook Home. While i admire and envy some people who is living in total peacefulness with non to worry except for little things compared to much bigger problem of a certain individual having, i can't help but pulled to this sorrowful area of a particular person.

All the negative energy absorbed quickly to every part and particles of my already half troubled heart. I lost the balance between the material world which has turn mankind snobbish and ever competitive and the plain simple happiness in this life. What is the right path?

I wish to turn a frown into a smile.

I wish to understand the cycle of life.

I wish a great mass of positive energy would force its way to eliminate all the negative cells that has almost turn cancerous in me.

Greedy me in Pasar Malam

Pasar malam reminds me of all the good food that i love and also at the same time food forbid by my parents when i was young. Nevertheless, staying here in my cousin's place, SS2 Pasar Malam is definitely my favourite place. There's so much variety of food that it is almost as good as jonker street or even petaling street.

In one night, i ate a slice taiwanese pizza, curry chicken potato puff, corn in cup, curry fishballs stick, herbal egg, longan pudding, one bowl of asam laksa and coconut drink and i could just continue gobble more if time permits. My tummy was literally speaking to me, asking me to keep continue sending all those food down. I don't mind having a dinner date in pasar malam for a change some time. It satisfies my tummy than high class restaurant at times. yummsssssss!

My dream :)

To go soon

Royal Selangor Visitor Centre

To have in the future

The ToyWatch XL

Choices and chances

An article that i stumbled upon tonight and potrayed exactly what i felt like for the past few days. Coincidently it relates to my blog's name as well

"As we go throughout life, it can sometimes seem mysterious to think how we arrived at our current place. Each person's life represents the aggregate total of all their decisions and the influence of chance. For many of us, it can be tempting to blame 'fate' or the actions of other people for the fact that their life has not turned out the way that they had previously imagined it would. For many people, this has resulted in a slowly burning internal anger against their circumstances. The enduring problem created by this phenomenon is that it constructs a mental barrier that prevents people from taking the actions that are necessary to improve their circumstances.

The first and most important insight that must precede any sustainable improvement in our life situation is the realization that we are fully responsible for the course of our life, and our decisions are the means by which we navigate the river of chance. It is most certainly true that we cannot control chance. There will always be events and circumstances in our life and the world at large that are out of our control. The secret to influencing your future lies in understanding that there is no point in worrying about things that we cannot control and focusing all of our attention on the decisions and events that we can influence."

I must be proactive and i have to take hold of my life. I can change the situation. I have to believe in myself.

The joy of giving

Everyone loves a little suprise, a small gift and presents are always welcome. Nevertheless, the joy of giving are equally pleasant and sometimes is better to be on the giving side than to be on the receiving side. A smile of your loved ones and people you cared is much more valuable and meaningful than getting what you want at times. The moment that person screamed with joy and thank you, that is when you know you did all thing right. Birthdays and Christmas are the perfect time to feel the joy of giving and receiving. Having experienced both joyous moment lately, i would say, the joy of giving socores it better.

Today in the midst of all the joy, that's when i realized my handphone was missing. What a great turnout! Really hoping i left it in my office and not anywhere else. My handphone gift was not even a year old, he should not be short-lived. I have many dreams yet to accomplished with him.

Imperfection

You plan every details, hoping your plan would succeed and brings joy to everyone. You tried so hard to be the perfect one, to fulfil every wishes but in the end people misunderstand you and misjudge you. I'm sorry, i understand now, there is no perfect man, only perfect intentions and i cherish every of your sincere thought.

To The Older Me

During my birthday, i'm always reminded of the certain someone. This year was no exception but this time it felt so surreal. I know now that it is gone. I'm moving forward and i wish for the more peaceful mind of me, stronger me and the braver me towards the older me. Happy Birthday Carol! Thanks to all my crazy friends and families, i'm contented and grateful for their existence in my life :)

Numb

I'm tired of having to wait for the time to come
Feeling so faithless, lost under the surface
I don't know what you're expecting of me
Put under the pressure of walking in your shoes

Every step that I take i doubt whether it is a mistake again

I've become so numb I can't feel you there
Become so tired so much more aware
I'm becoming this all I want you do
Is to make it happen and not empty promises

Behind the facade

Being a middle person and an outsider can be so tiring and frustrating. Caught in between guilt, doubt, respect and frustration enhanced the pressure in her brain. All she needed was some time to clear her heavy heart but there was no time as she had to face them soon. Swallowing all her emotions, she consoled others and convinced them she was fine. Once the door was closed behind her, tear drops kept falling down her cheek. All she could do was to hide her sobbings by turning on the tap water. It wouldn't stop till she doesn't even know the reason behind the tears again.

"Tears are words the heart can't express"

"Tears are the safety valve of the heart when too much pressure is laid on it"

"Perhaps our eyes need to be washed by our tears, so that we can see life with a clearer view again"

She just needed rest and be oblivious of all the misery that is surrounding her. She doesn't know why she let things affect her this time. Maybe she was tired of having to depend on others. She just needed some sleep. Everything will be fine again.

Alone on the street

Night walk wouldn't seem so scary if the world is a safer place to live without the need to warn people of snatch thief or rapists. Somehow today as i was walking on the roadside back to my cousin's place, i looked around and told myself all is well. I began to relax and felt at ease. I was actually enjoying the walk, look up the sky and immersed myself with the beauty of the clouds and stars. Suddenly, a motorbike zoomed past me and all my senses of defence kicked back in. Clutching my bag tight and walking at a faster pace. Oh yes, if only the world was not tainted with crimes. My night would have been perfect....

The mermaid theory

When you are friends with a guy/girl who is attached, never let your manatee image turn into a mermaid (from himym) or my own version for guy - never let the toad be the prince. You have to keep your guard and make sure that the image remains a manatee. That's when you know you can continue to be friends. Otherwise, you can see complicated status on fb ;)

"V" for Vendetta

The best part that get to me :

"Artists used lies to tell the truth about politicians that used them to cover the truth up"

My amusement ;)

Today, I felt like i was sixteen again when i was having fun in the arcade. I used to go to "The Wonderland" (if i remember correctly) in Mahkota Parade with my friends. The spontaneous stop by in arcade today was just the thing i need. I tried few different games in half an hour. In such short period of time i was laughing my head off, sweaty from all the excitement and beaming in happiness. Although i was there for a short while, but it sure felt very long. It was total exam distress. It was the best RM5 that i spent for that half an hour and the only relief and relax moment that i ever felt in this exam month. Yea, other than ECO and April Fool month, it happened to be my exam month too. Glad that exams are finally over. So, hell ya, quality time beats the hell out of quantity time and i don't need so much money to make me happy. I just need some friends who can enjoy this simple thing and have fun with me.

These are my favourites; i called them "my old friend amusement":

Hit the crocodile game

(best to play when you are frust or need to lose a temper)

Daytona

(played the most during my school time)

Spot the difference

(My all time fav)

Shooting game 

 (thrilling - tried two different kind today, one of them was kinda scary)

APRIL GREEN

Whenever i see the month april on my calendar, the first thing pop up in my mind - here comes April FOOL.

Well, there's something i didn't know till now that April is also the ECO- month. GO GREEN!!

This year has been practically a green year for me because i've been having lots of input on going green. In conference, talks, shows on tv, people around me, my studies revolve around it and almost what i see and talk seems to relate back to green. It starts to really opened up my mind. In fact, i probably be on my journey to do a green project soon.

In relation to that, my college is constantly having no water. First thought in my mind, blame my college, Zaba. I've just realise my perception was wrong all this while. It wasn't because of the construction or the management of my college but it was my university management. Why my college having more water problem than the rest? Just found out that it has something to do with our location apparently. Am i to blame the university now? No, we are having more serious problem than that. Looking at previous record, i think we are having water shortage crisis in the country. So, not the university, gotta look back at the state management and the problem our state is facing. Though, i yet to find out the exact problem that caused this water shortage, but something hit me real hard today. What a shallow thinking i had previously. I was looking at things on the surface and blaming without finding out the real reason.

That makes me back to square one. I gotta be more eco-friendly. The earth is going down. Water crisis is not something to be underestimated.

GO GREEN!

When your plan fails

Love the quote "When you fail to plan means you are planning to fail". Then again, life ain't that simple.

In life, you can plan all you want but sometimes, the plan never work the way you wanted it. You can't fight the inevitable, the unforseen circumstances. It would be harder when more people are involve in the plan cos now, not only the plan depended on you but others as well. So, the plan falls apart when one failed to do their part. I guess having a plan and not work out is not as bad as not having a plan because you actually did tried your best. Imagine, dying because of a plan that failed and dying because you don't have a plan. The former sounds better right? Of cos, provided the plan was for good intention. (oh gosh, my mind was actually working through all the loopholes of my sentence that would contradict myself - law influence, bummer) 

Back to the point, I would say, hmm God has his plan for us. So, when we failed one, we just have another exciting path to move on too. I know, this is so comforting words for myself. Well, i rather be optimistic than being pessimistic.

In darkness

A loud scream awake her. She lies on her bed, eyes wide open, trying to work her brain on what just happened. It was all dark. She remembered falling asleep not long ago. Just then, there were more mumbling voice. She shivered, fearing the most. She didn't dare to stir one bit. She knew he was frustrated and unable to sleep. He was making lots of weird noise which sounded like he was drunk. No, she figured it must be the drugs. There was no way he had drank earlier and from the way he sounded, that just didn't seem right. He continued swearing and spitting out his phlegm. Why did this happened now? She was supposed to have an early morning next day. She peek at the time, 1.57a.m. Sweats trickled down her back. She still didn't dare to move an inch. The past memories all came back to her. She dread the past would repeat and felt like running away. She realized she fear him.

He was turning a lot and suddenly she could hear that he was getting up. She freeze, closing her eyes shut, praying to God. He went out. A huge relief and she started shifting her position to the left so that she could see him when he returns. He did. It did not get better, he still mumbled all the weird sounds. She kept still, keeping her guard. It went on for some time before everything turned blur and she was transported to another dimension.

Miss Potter

Not all movies get my attention, especially when it involves too much of prim and proper style of olden days English. However, i gotta give thumbs up to this particular movie "Miss Potter", a true story of Beatrix Potter, the famous author for children's literature and also landscape and natural artist, farmer and conservationist. I think i like it better than Pride and Prejudice. It was witty, enchanting, touching, unpredictable twist and inspiring.

Miss Potter's "friends", I adore the most:

Peter Rabbit (her fav drawing - bunny)

Jemima Puddle Duck (a very stupid one)

Though her stories were simple, but i love the way the it goes, something enchanting that brought me back to my excitement as a child. The feeling of eagerly waiting to know what happened next.

I think i could watch it again :)

I'm blessed!

Since Japan's catastrophe, I'm feeling more grateful for everything i have in my life. Today, to be able to eat in Theobroma and taste tutti frutti for the first time (something i will not eat normally, both add up would cost me my almost one week expenses) and seeing Andy Lau, though from afar, I felt blessed. It carves a smile on my face, I feel contented and happy for the life i have. 

Theobroma

For chocolate lover, must try - Belgian waffles and Princess of Island

Tutti Frutti

My very own mixture:

 lychee + pomegranate + passion fruit (yogurt) + raisin + choco chips + cornflakes (toppings)

-love the yogurt more,  thus the lack of interest in adding much toppings though there were lots of choices

Yes, that's him, Andy Lau, the small tinie-tiny man in white shirt in the middle of the stage.

That's how close i get to see him and how big the crowd is in One Utama.

A very good day to me and and cheers to my bright and shiny day tomorrow  : D

YES or NO

What do you do when a stranger approach you and ask for money? Of cos, you would ignore. Then again, what if they explained the purpose was for charity? Would you ignore? How do you know these people are trustworthy? In company law, there's good business judgment rule in making a decision. In real life, street smart perhaps? So, with numerous cases of con artists in town, you determined to say NO in your heart. Then again, the look on their face, doubled up with the certs, IC, pics of those handicapped kids, yada yada yada starts to make you melt and consequently, RM XX goes to his hand. To make yourself feel better, you tell to your friend, his face looks so genuine. So just move on, is charity anyway. So you continue your journey down the road and before you know it, a bunch of people circled you, telling you to buy their handmade stuffs. They were so sweet to the extend of offering to hold your stuffs while you pen down your name. See how it starts, they say they just want you to write your name. When you start moving away, they stop you, hey listen "We need you to buy our stuff ." The price was super ex, and mind you, this was not even for charity. It was for some kind of marketing programme or competition they have, if we buy it, they get some points. Who sells stuffs just like this? That's like extortion. Small teddy for RM 60? I don't even owned a RM60 soft toy. They even go to the extend of commenting that i look mix - to be exact, i' look like korean. Seriously? (k, can't totally condemn him, maybe he really thought so, but still to me it sounds ridiculous) Yea, so me being soft heart again, gave away RM XX, comforting myself someday i might be involved in this weird competition extorting people for money too. Wish them luck and walk off.

So the point is was i being street smart in the end? Think i was thinking with my heart more than my brain.

Bummer, one time yes i get it, but twice in a row....how did that happen to me?  Well, i guess i just believe the world out there has really nice people. Naive me, when i came back, i was thrown the newspaper of the day on all the con artists stories. 

See, how hard this gets for girl like me to survive in this world. Say YES or NO????

Change

We all have a comfort zone. It feels safe to be there because we know the neighbourhood, the people and it reminds us of all the good memories we had.  Sometimes, we just got to remember, we gonna get older and we do not want to linger in the past. We have to change. Take that big step and grow out of it. Reminded me of a quote i keep hearing;

"Changes is the only constant thing in life"

Taste it, love it

Finally tasting macaroon and i love it. Some say is too sweet, but the one i ate was awesome :)

Individualistic, yea i am

Ever since i was young i learnt one very important thing. You have to learn to survive on your own. Nobody is there to truly help you step by step. This slowly developed to what i realise today; i'm afraid to be attached to a person. The fear of being rejected later overcomes every reasons that i should let myself unguarded and let these people in my life. Little things would make me take a step backward. Even if it was seen to be a small matter, but for me it isn't. Very bad for someone doing far distance relationship, not forgetting other obstacles. It frightened me and i would stop myself from being so close until the issue was resolved. I was said to be selfish, wanting things to be in my way. I can't help it. How do i tailored myself to your insensitive thoughts?  No anger, just plain heartache. It doesn't mean i can't commit and can't be loyal. I'm just a typical taurus with a humongous need for security and stability.

Home

"Hands built house but heart built home"

 

I don't grow up in a perfect house, but i grow up with parents who tried to make everything possible in every way for me. I don't get what i want all the time coming from a small income family but i'm grateful for everything they have given me - a place call home. I have bad times and good times with them and in the end only the good one counts and the bad ones help me to grow. I tried to take care of them now instead of them taking care of me. Is my time to provide them with things they were unable to provide me with. They have tried their best to take care of me and now is my turn. Despite quarrels and misunderstanding, all i know, they just want the best for me. No matter what happens, in the end of the day, they will be the only one that truly stood by my side through all the ups and downs.

TOmmy!

I used to be afraid of dogs, not anymore. Love them. Especially this one, Tommy :) Kind of miss him.

Disaster

As i sat down with books stack up beside me, trying to concentrate in finishing my assignment, i can't help getting restless and distracted. Every now and then, my fb friends update their status on the Japan earthquake and the nuclear catastrophe. The news is everywhere. One nation after another seems to be having their "moment". China and now Japan, minus the political upheaval in the Middle-East countries. People risk losing their jobs and living in fear. While all this was happening, i was actually in a conference, happily cheering away and amaze by all the talks by successful entrepreneurs. Back in 5 years ago, i would have care less and be ignorant. This time is different, the news shocked me. It makes me ponder on the life that we are living in. Life keep pushing us every now and then and yet life still goes on. If i were to compare the disaster happening in other countries, i rate myself as an ungrateful person in life. I have money to buy enough food to eat and yet i complain at times how the food sucks. I have less trouble in my life and yet sometimes i spend time thinking how hard my life is. I have perfect eyes, nose and ear and yet i can't help thinking i would look better if my eyes were bigger when some out there got burn mark on their faces, yet living happily.

Maybe is just the effect of many days lack of sleep, i feel lost thinking about all this and the meaning of life we are in. People said, live in the present but how could you feel in peace with all the disasters happening around the world. Maybe this is why Gautama Buddha decided to give up everything and leading the path to Nirvana.

Lanterns :D

I want to write wishes on lanterns and let them float to the sky! I want to be ooeed and aweddddd by the scene of many many lanterns on the sky. I want to feel like the scene in tangled. When will I do that and will that person do that for me?

Too late

Sometimes, you know you could have just acted the simplest way of just taking the phone and make the phone call or message but you didn't. So what if i had miss the real thing by 12 hours, when i see it, i should have do what i need to.To make it worse u felt that there's something was really wrong but you chose to wait thinking that there's always time, you can do it later. The fact is the moment only come at that time, when you lost it, is not the same by calling again later. It's over. That feeling of awfulness knowing that you could have been there, even if you can't help much but just being able to support at least help more than anything. That's all that matters. I don't know what this feeling is. It's build out of guilt, regret and a very heavy heart.

Finding you in me

There's a time I doubt myself whether to commit in a relationship where there are so many uncertainties to its future. As time past, i did eventually. 1 year to 2 years and not knowingly, it's turning 5 years. So what's wrong if i date the same guy from the days in high school till marriage? Nothing's wrong, is just awesome if i last till then.

But, what if, at some point of time, i felt like i didn't pursue my dreams or go all way out to do the things i  want to do just because i was being a couple? Will that day ever come for me to realise that i need to find myself and letting go what i have believe in for so long?

I always feel that i need to explore and search into this live that i'm living in. If that feeling ever get stronger, i don't want to be torn between my love ones and smtg that i'm not even sure of. I do not want to make a mistake and neither do i want to just let go without even knowing how far can i go. I just need assurance, i just need the magic word. Can you keep up with me or is it me that was suppose to understand you? I need to see you in me.

What i want to be in the future?

My friend has been having life after graduate crisis, thinking about the future and getting all frust in it. Where is she going to work at, whether to take master before start working, is it possible to venture all the way
to other country to work and the lists go on. Somehow, her rambling gets to me even though i won't be graduating till another year. Everyone at some point of time would ask this question to themself "What i want to be in the future?" or worse being ask by another person.... pressure.

This is something that i came across unexpected when i was watching a movie. It's really inspiring and perhaps answer the question we all need.

"When we were 5, they ask what we want to be when we grew up. Our answers were things like astronaut and in my case, a princess. When we were 10 they ask again, we answer rockstar, cowboy or in my case gold medallist. But now that we have grown up, they want a more serious answer. Well, how about this, who the hell knows. This isn't the time to make hard and fast decision, this is the time to make mistakes. Take the wrong train and get stuck somewhere, fall in love a lot, major in philosophy because there is no way to make a career out of that. Change your mind and change it again cos nothing is permanent. So, make many mistakes as you can. That way, someday when they ask you what you want to be, you won't have to guess, you will know." - Quoted from Twilight Saga Eclipse

Just have a little faith, hope and luck *.*

How i met Do or Don't

It all happened on the cousins' reunion day. One came all the way from Aussie,  two KL siblings with vast difference in personality and one all the way from the jungle (it does feel like that in my uni). So what do we do? We end up meeting at the "midpoint" of where everyone can easily get to - Midvalley. With 3 females against 1 male, the chances are we end up shopping. The thing about shopping is that you don't always buy what you plan to buy but when you don't plan, you seems to shop more. The best part is when there's a promotion "Buy 2 get 1 free" and someone is offering to pay :D. The worst part, you don't seem to like any of the things there :(  My advice, never give up, work towards your goal and that is how i met Do or Don't.

                                                                 Meet Do or Don't

It has become my inspiration in my life and as well as my very first idea in starting my long time dream of blogging. Life is all about making choices, there is no wrong or right choice, you just have to make the very best out of what you have chose. I choose today to sit down and explore the blogging world and write my first entry. Can't keep saying you want something but not doing anything about it right? I did it, so can you :)