In darkness

A loud scream awake her. She lies on her bed, eyes wide open, trying to work her brain on what just happened. It was all dark. She remembered falling asleep not long ago. Just then, there were more mumbling voice. She shivered, fearing the most. She didn't dare to stir one bit. She knew he was frustrated and unable to sleep. He was making lots of weird noise which sounded like he was drunk. No, she figured it must be the drugs. There was no way he had drank earlier and from the way he sounded, that just didn't seem right. He continued swearing and spitting out his phlegm. Why did this happened now? She was supposed to have an early morning next day. She peek at the time, 1.57a.m. Sweats trickled down her back. She still didn't dare to move an inch. The past memories all came back to her. She dread the past would repeat and felt like running away. She realized she fear him.

He was turning a lot and suddenly she could hear that he was getting up. She freeze, closing her eyes shut, praying to God. He went out. A huge relief and she started shifting her position to the left so that she could see him when he returns. He did. It did not get better, he still mumbled all the weird sounds. She kept still, keeping her guard. It went on for some time before everything turned blur and she was transported to another dimension.

Miss Potter

Not all movies get my attention, especially when it involves too much of prim and proper style of olden days English. However, i gotta give thumbs up to this particular movie "Miss Potter", a true story of Beatrix Potter, the famous author for children's literature and also landscape and natural artist, farmer and conservationist. I think i like it better than Pride and Prejudice. It was witty, enchanting, touching, unpredictable twist and inspiring.

Miss Potter's "friends", I adore the most:

Peter Rabbit (her fav drawing - bunny)

Jemima Puddle Duck (a very stupid one)

Though her stories were simple, but i love the way the it goes, something enchanting that brought me back to my excitement as a child. The feeling of eagerly waiting to know what happened next.

I think i could watch it again :)

I'm blessed!

Since Japan's catastrophe, I'm feeling more grateful for everything i have in my life. Today, to be able to eat in Theobroma and taste tutti frutti for the first time (something i will not eat normally, both add up would cost me my almost one week expenses) and seeing Andy Lau, though from afar, I felt blessed. It carves a smile on my face, I feel contented and happy for the life i have. 

Theobroma

For chocolate lover, must try - Belgian waffles and Princess of Island

Tutti Frutti

My very own mixture:

 lychee + pomegranate + passion fruit (yogurt) + raisin + choco chips + cornflakes (toppings)

-love the yogurt more,  thus the lack of interest in adding much toppings though there were lots of choices

Yes, that's him, Andy Lau, the small tinie-tiny man in white shirt in the middle of the stage.

That's how close i get to see him and how big the crowd is in One Utama.

A very good day to me and and cheers to my bright and shiny day tomorrow  : D

YES or NO

What do you do when a stranger approach you and ask for money? Of cos, you would ignore. Then again, what if they explained the purpose was for charity? Would you ignore? How do you know these people are trustworthy? In company law, there's good business judgment rule in making a decision. In real life, street smart perhaps? So, with numerous cases of con artists in town, you determined to say NO in your heart. Then again, the look on their face, doubled up with the certs, IC, pics of those handicapped kids, yada yada yada starts to make you melt and consequently, RM XX goes to his hand. To make yourself feel better, you tell to your friend, his face looks so genuine. So just move on, is charity anyway. So you continue your journey down the road and before you know it, a bunch of people circled you, telling you to buy their handmade stuffs. They were so sweet to the extend of offering to hold your stuffs while you pen down your name. See how it starts, they say they just want you to write your name. When you start moving away, they stop you, hey listen "We need you to buy our stuff ." The price was super ex, and mind you, this was not even for charity. It was for some kind of marketing programme or competition they have, if we buy it, they get some points. Who sells stuffs just like this? That's like extortion. Small teddy for RM 60? I don't even owned a RM60 soft toy. They even go to the extend of commenting that i look mix - to be exact, i' look like korean. Seriously? (k, can't totally condemn him, maybe he really thought so, but still to me it sounds ridiculous) Yea, so me being soft heart again, gave away RM XX, comforting myself someday i might be involved in this weird competition extorting people for money too. Wish them luck and walk off.

So the point is was i being street smart in the end? Think i was thinking with my heart more than my brain.

Bummer, one time yes i get it, but twice in a row....how did that happen to me?  Well, i guess i just believe the world out there has really nice people. Naive me, when i came back, i was thrown the newspaper of the day on all the con artists stories. 

See, how hard this gets for girl like me to survive in this world. Say YES or NO????

Change

We all have a comfort zone. It feels safe to be there because we know the neighbourhood, the people and it reminds us of all the good memories we had.  Sometimes, we just got to remember, we gonna get older and we do not want to linger in the past. We have to change. Take that big step and grow out of it. Reminded me of a quote i keep hearing;

"Changes is the only constant thing in life"

Taste it, love it

Finally tasting macaroon and i love it. Some say is too sweet, but the one i ate was awesome :)

Individualistic, yea i am

Ever since i was young i learnt one very important thing. You have to learn to survive on your own. Nobody is there to truly help you step by step. This slowly developed to what i realise today; i'm afraid to be attached to a person. The fear of being rejected later overcomes every reasons that i should let myself unguarded and let these people in my life. Little things would make me take a step backward. Even if it was seen to be a small matter, but for me it isn't. Very bad for someone doing far distance relationship, not forgetting other obstacles. It frightened me and i would stop myself from being so close until the issue was resolved. I was said to be selfish, wanting things to be in my way. I can't help it. How do i tailored myself to your insensitive thoughts?  No anger, just plain heartache. It doesn't mean i can't commit and can't be loyal. I'm just a typical taurus with a humongous need for security and stability.

Home

"Hands built house but heart built home"

 

I don't grow up in a perfect house, but i grow up with parents who tried to make everything possible in every way for me. I don't get what i want all the time coming from a small income family but i'm grateful for everything they have given me - a place call home. I have bad times and good times with them and in the end only the good one counts and the bad ones help me to grow. I tried to take care of them now instead of them taking care of me. Is my time to provide them with things they were unable to provide me with. They have tried their best to take care of me and now is my turn. Despite quarrels and misunderstanding, all i know, they just want the best for me. No matter what happens, in the end of the day, they will be the only one that truly stood by my side through all the ups and downs.

TOmmy!

I used to be afraid of dogs, not anymore. Love them. Especially this one, Tommy :) Kind of miss him.

Disaster

As i sat down with books stack up beside me, trying to concentrate in finishing my assignment, i can't help getting restless and distracted. Every now and then, my fb friends update their status on the Japan earthquake and the nuclear catastrophe. The news is everywhere. One nation after another seems to be having their "moment". China and now Japan, minus the political upheaval in the Middle-East countries. People risk losing their jobs and living in fear. While all this was happening, i was actually in a conference, happily cheering away and amaze by all the talks by successful entrepreneurs. Back in 5 years ago, i would have care less and be ignorant. This time is different, the news shocked me. It makes me ponder on the life that we are living in. Life keep pushing us every now and then and yet life still goes on. If i were to compare the disaster happening in other countries, i rate myself as an ungrateful person in life. I have money to buy enough food to eat and yet i complain at times how the food sucks. I have less trouble in my life and yet sometimes i spend time thinking how hard my life is. I have perfect eyes, nose and ear and yet i can't help thinking i would look better if my eyes were bigger when some out there got burn mark on their faces, yet living happily.

Maybe is just the effect of many days lack of sleep, i feel lost thinking about all this and the meaning of life we are in. People said, live in the present but how could you feel in peace with all the disasters happening around the world. Maybe this is why Gautama Buddha decided to give up everything and leading the path to Nirvana.

Lanterns :D

I want to write wishes on lanterns and let them float to the sky! I want to be ooeed and aweddddd by the scene of many many lanterns on the sky. I want to feel like the scene in tangled. When will I do that and will that person do that for me?

Too late

Sometimes, you know you could have just acted the simplest way of just taking the phone and make the phone call or message but you didn't. So what if i had miss the real thing by 12 hours, when i see it, i should have do what i need to.To make it worse u felt that there's something was really wrong but you chose to wait thinking that there's always time, you can do it later. The fact is the moment only come at that time, when you lost it, is not the same by calling again later. It's over. That feeling of awfulness knowing that you could have been there, even if you can't help much but just being able to support at least help more than anything. That's all that matters. I don't know what this feeling is. It's build out of guilt, regret and a very heavy heart.

Finding you in me

There's a time I doubt myself whether to commit in a relationship where there are so many uncertainties to its future. As time past, i did eventually. 1 year to 2 years and not knowingly, it's turning 5 years. So what's wrong if i date the same guy from the days in high school till marriage? Nothing's wrong, is just awesome if i last till then.

But, what if, at some point of time, i felt like i didn't pursue my dreams or go all way out to do the things i  want to do just because i was being a couple? Will that day ever come for me to realise that i need to find myself and letting go what i have believe in for so long?

I always feel that i need to explore and search into this live that i'm living in. If that feeling ever get stronger, i don't want to be torn between my love ones and smtg that i'm not even sure of. I do not want to make a mistake and neither do i want to just let go without even knowing how far can i go. I just need assurance, i just need the magic word. Can you keep up with me or is it me that was suppose to understand you? I need to see you in me.

What i want to be in the future?

My friend has been having life after graduate crisis, thinking about the future and getting all frust in it. Where is she going to work at, whether to take master before start working, is it possible to venture all the way
to other country to work and the lists go on. Somehow, her rambling gets to me even though i won't be graduating till another year. Everyone at some point of time would ask this question to themself "What i want to be in the future?" or worse being ask by another person.... pressure.

This is something that i came across unexpected when i was watching a movie. It's really inspiring and perhaps answer the question we all need.

"When we were 5, they ask what we want to be when we grew up. Our answers were things like astronaut and in my case, a princess. When we were 10 they ask again, we answer rockstar, cowboy or in my case gold medallist. But now that we have grown up, they want a more serious answer. Well, how about this, who the hell knows. This isn't the time to make hard and fast decision, this is the time to make mistakes. Take the wrong train and get stuck somewhere, fall in love a lot, major in philosophy because there is no way to make a career out of that. Change your mind and change it again cos nothing is permanent. So, make many mistakes as you can. That way, someday when they ask you what you want to be, you won't have to guess, you will know." - Quoted from Twilight Saga Eclipse

Just have a little faith, hope and luck *.*